“I have trust issues…”
How often have girls said or heard this phrase? What does this reveal about the heart of the person who stated it?
I think it’s a cover-up; a wall. Girls use it all the time to create spiritual and/or emotional distance.
Essentially, we don’t want people to know us. We know us, and we know it’s not pretty. It’s much easier and more enjoyable for people to think we aren’t struggling; we don’t doubt; we don’t really sin.
Before I continue, I am not just talking about girls not wanting to scream, “I LOVE YOU!” to their first boyfriend a week after dating–that’s called common sense. I’m talking about girls, specifically, who only want to vacuum and never lint roll.
They run at the sound of any question about their relationship with their boyfriend–especially any question about the physicality of their relationship. What is behind this defense-mechanism is shame.
Of course they know that they are in sin, so they’re ashamed–but they don’t see Jesus as the ultimate rescuer, and so they refuse to let anyone in who might help them come to the throne empty-handed yet totally righteous.
And how do I know about all these defense-mechanisms? Because I used them too. Although I’ve never used the exact term “trust issues”, I have absolutely been guilty of making excuses for withholding truth about my relationships, my struggles, my doubts, and my heart–and it was stifling to my walk with Jesus and to my sanctification. In fact, becuase I was consistently unopened, it made crawling out of my habitual sin much more difficult.
By the grace of God alone, that period of time in my life did not last long–but it was certainly painful (so much so, that it nearly brings me to tears every time I think about how much I distanced myself from Jesus…not that tearing up is an uncommon thing for me). And I am so thankful that my sin was brought to light, addressed, and redeemed.
“‘…do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by Him. For the Lord disciplines the one He loves, and chastises every son whom He receives.’ It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline?”
I know several girls who deal with “trust issues” in conjunction with seeing their fathers as lacking. Absence, rejection, and sin of fathers often correlates with girls who cling to their boyfriends (and hurry to find another one after a break-up), and ferociously push away any accountability or honesty from other women/girls.
As we all know, correlation does not equal causality. And as Jesus tells us, sin done to us does not equal the right to sin–just look at the Cross for that one. Was/Is Jesus sinned against? Constantly by every person who ever lived, is living, and will live. Did he sin? Not at all. Did he even go so far as to pay the price for all that wickedness? It was His joy.
“Jesus…who for the joy that was set before Him endured the Cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.”
So let me be clear: No girl has an excuse to desire a boyfriend/husband more than Jesus; no girl has the right to blame their father for their “trust issues”.
Thank you, Daddy, for staying in our home, for never rejecting me, for being absolutely sinful and humbly repentant (and forgiving). You always used to tell me that you loved me but loved Mommie the most. My pride was always a little crushed and I honestly was confused by it–but now (I think) I understand.
You show me how my husband is supposed to think about me. You show me how my husband is supposed to love his children. You show me how my husband is supposed to labor arduously for our family (parents, in-laws, nieces, nephews, siblings, wife, and children). You show me how to seek Jesus after death has, very literally, stared you in the face.
I am grateful to witness your sin, experience your love and sacrifice, and be a product of your marriage. Thank you for not giving me a reason to withhold my heart from honest accountability. Thank you for not giving me “trust issues” with which to struggle.
You give me reasons to look to Jesus for complete satisfaction, and I wouldn’t trade you for the world. I am so glad God gave me to you.
My pastor often refers to Dr. Keller as “Yoda”. I wouldn’t disagree.
– All religions cannot be equally right–Christianity is either false and irrelvant or true.
– All religions cannot be equally wrong–there is a single truth. Stating that no religion has all the “parts” of “truth” is a claim of truth in and of itself.
“A fact isn’t narrow…it’s a fact that you’re going to wither and die if you don’t eat. It’s not narrow, it’s just a fact. And if Jesus Christ is the Son of God, your soul will shrivel without Him, and you’ll die. And that’s not narrow, it’s just a fact.”
“What you really need in this world is people who’ve got an exclusive truth that humbles them.”
Yoda, I tell ya.
It is easy to just let people vacuum over my life. Yes I am involved in my local church, yes I am making good grades, yes I have awesome friends and a wonderful godly man in my life…blah blah blah.
But in reality, I fail constantly at being an effective and equipping small group leader; I am not making straight A’s this semester; my friendships are encouraging and edifying, but we often do a terrible job at loving each other; my relationship with Bradley is certainly blissful and sanctifying, but it is also a cycle of loving, failing to love, repenting, apologizing, and looking to Jesus for complete satisfaction.
In reality, I am chock-full of shortcomings and sin. I can be “sweet” or even sacrificial, but in the depths of my sinful heart, I am prideful, self-centered, and controlling of myself and other people.
There is always something to be redeemed.
I’m doing “well” because the grace of Jesus covers all my crap—anything I do that’s “good” is because He who is good lives in me, not because I have conjured up goodness by myself.
Lint rollers are great inventions. Not only do they get nearly every grimy, nasty hair and piece of whatevers off my dorm room floor, they also show me exactly what has been hiding—as it is contrasted to the white sticky substance.
Discipleship, accountability, coffee—call it what you like. We, as followers of Jesus, need to be sharing our lives and hearts—our WHOLE lives and hearts—with older, godlier people (of the same gender) and believing peers. We are weak and need other people to speak truth into our lives.
I am incredibly grateful for God-fearing girlfriends…
and a wise woman with whom I engage in these conversations.
And we MUST be completely honest. Otherwise we’re just chatting and flaring our personalities.
Real brokenness, conviction, confession, repentance, and healing is FAR sweeter when it is shared and urged by people around me that love me. I need people consistently in my life with whom to share my life—thoughts, actions, passions, and situations—openly and honestly. Those people need to love me enough to not tell me what I want to hear. They need to be obedient in their own walk with Christ, so that they can be honest, discerning, and wise in their assessment of me and my walk with the Lord.
That’s why accountability, or even just raw honesty, is so hard—not only do you realize there’s a lot more sin there than you previously thought, but you also realize your old method wasn’t working like you thought it was. Or you’re already aware that your method isn’t working and you’re simply refusing to walk in complete repentance/struggling obedience—which is a much scarier place to be.
Vacuums are great for giving the illusion that my floor is clean; lint rollers are great for ensuring that my floor is not completely pure.
Bubbly conversations about surface-level struggles diminish the toxicity and presence of sin and suppress the Holy Spirit’s sanctification in my life and others’ lives.
Lint rolling over my life/my heart—raw openness, humility, and awareness of sin—leads me to a deeper love for and obedience to the God of the Gospel. When my eyes are opened to my wickedness, which is always more depraved than I think it is, it is easier to see how insanely gracious Jesus was to come and die for my depravity.
And I remember His resurrection and victorious cry: “It is finished.”
I can share my sin and shortcomings because I know how much I am loved by the all-holy God—because He loves me despite my failure. I want to share my sin because I love Him and want to reflect Him instead of myself.
Chip the vacuum. Bring on the lint roller.
This past Christmas break, Bradley and I drove up to RDU early on Sunday morning to go to our church. That particular morning, Matt Papa, a worship leader at the Summit preached. He preached Jesus–and that is what I most recall.
In the conclusion of his sermon, he quoted A. W. Tozer when he said:
“I think it would be a wonderful thing if every preacher in America would begin to preach about God and nothing else for one solid year. Just one solid year to preach about God. Who He is, His attributes, His perfections, His being, the kind of God He is, why we dare to trust Him, why we can trust Him, why we should trust Him, why we can love Him, why we should love Him, why we dare not fall short. And keep on preaching on God, the triune God, and keep on until God fills the whole horizon and the whole world. Faith would spring up like grass by the watercourses. Then let a man get up and preach a promise and the whole congregation would say, ‘I can trust that promise; look who made it.’”
I pray that all church leaders and believers would be filled with the Holy Spirit enough so that Jesus and our desperate need for Him would be proclaimed and received–over and over again.
May “faith spring up like grass by the watercourses”; may you use us, Lord.
Bradley and I were running errands last week (something that is done at our leisure over spring break), and talking in the car about verses in the Bible. Our conversations aren’t always that spiritual, it was just something that was on his mind.
I was blessed this past summer to be a part of The City Project, in which I was able to take a Christian Philosophy course through Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary. I gained biblical and relevant wisdom and knowledge–read: It was humbling. I distinctly remember my professor telling us that the best and worst thing we [believers] ever did was insert verses in the Bible.
Short verses are good for memorization; bad for comprehension. The large majority of Scripture are letters or stories. They are not to be read sporatically or inadvertenly. They are to be read and studied completely.
It would not make sense to pick up a novel and read one sentence on page 328…so why do we do this with Scripture?
Bradley joked that he loves when people–(we have both been very guilty of this in the past; we do not want to be condemning, but sanctified and wise)–quote a verse that begins with “Therefore…” Obviously that word refers to something that was previously said. We should probably read what was previously read in order to better comprehend what is about to be said.
For example: The Great Commission.
The widely accepted first word of The Great Commission is “Therefore”.
“Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”(Matthew 28:19-20)
However, Jesus’ first words were: “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me” (v. 18).
By saying that “all authority” is His, Jesus exercised His authority post-resurrection. He proved His compassion by His death on our behalf and His ultimate Lordship by His raising Himself from the dead. I hope I never get over that.
His command for us to make disciples, to make them of all nations, and His promise that He will always be with us are legitimized by His resurrection. This is why He has the authority to command us and the power to fulfill His promise.
Don’t quote verses that begin with “Therefore.” Read your Bible…and see Jesus for who He is.