Something to Chew On: “Trust Issues”
“I have trust issues…”
How often have girls said or heard this phrase? What does this reveal about the heart of the person who stated it?
I think it’s a cover-up; a wall. Girls use it all the time to create spiritual and/or emotional distance.
Essentially, we don’t want people to know us. We know us, and we know it’s not pretty. It’s much easier and more enjoyable for people to think we aren’t struggling; we don’t doubt; we don’t really sin.
Before I continue, I am not just talking about girls not wanting to scream, “I LOVE YOU!” to their first boyfriend a week after dating–that’s called common sense. I’m talking about girls, specifically, who only want to vacuum and never lint roll.
They run at the sound of any question about their relationship with their boyfriend–especially any question about the physicality of their relationship. What is behind this defense-mechanism is shame.
Of course they know that they are in sin, so they’re ashamed–but they don’t see Jesus as the ultimate rescuer, and so they refuse to let anyone in who might help them come to the throne empty-handed yet totally righteous.
And how do I know about all these defense-mechanisms? Because I used them too. Although I’ve never used the exact term “trust issues”, I have absolutely been guilty of making excuses for withholding truth about my relationships, my struggles, my doubts, and my heart–and it was stifling to my walk with Jesus and to my sanctification. In fact, becuase I was consistently unopened, it made crawling out of my habitual sin much more difficult.
By the grace of God alone, that period of time in my life did not last long–but it was certainly painful (so much so, that it nearly brings me to tears every time I think about how much I distanced myself from Jesus…not that tearing up is an uncommon thing for me). And I am so thankful that my sin was brought to light, addressed, and redeemed.
“‘…do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by Him. For the Lord disciplines the one He loves, and chastises every son whom He receives.’ It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline?”
I know several girls who deal with “trust issues” in conjunction with seeing their fathers as lacking. Absence, rejection, and sin of fathers often correlates with girls who cling to their boyfriends (and hurry to find another one after a break-up), and ferociously push away any accountability or honesty from other women/girls.
As we all know, correlation does not equal causality. And as Jesus tells us, sin done to us does not equal the right to sin–just look at the Cross for that one. Was/Is Jesus sinned against? Constantly by every person who ever lived, is living, and will live. Did he sin? Not at all. Did he even go so far as to pay the price for all that wickedness? It was His joy.
“Jesus…who for the joy that was set before Him endured the Cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.”
So let me be clear: No girl has an excuse to desire a boyfriend/husband more than Jesus; no girl has the right to blame their father for their “trust issues”.
Thank you, Daddy, for staying in our home, for never rejecting me, for being absolutely sinful and humbly repentant (and forgiving). You always used to tell me that you loved me but loved Mommie the most. My pride was always a little crushed and I honestly was confused by it–but now (I think) I understand.
You show me how my husband is supposed to think about me. You show me how my husband is supposed to love his children. You show me how my husband is supposed to labor arduously for our family (parents, in-laws, nieces, nephews, siblings, wife, and children). You show me how to seek Jesus after death has, very literally, stared you in the face.
I am grateful to witness your sin, experience your love and sacrifice, and be a product of your marriage. Thank you for not giving me a reason to withhold my heart from honest accountability. Thank you for not giving me “trust issues” with which to struggle.
You give me reasons to look to Jesus for complete satisfaction, and I wouldn’t trade you for the world. I am so glad God gave me to you.